The secret to a successful divorce

A ‘successful’ divorce should surely be the aspiration for anyone whose marriage has broken down. So what is the secret to achieving a successful divorce?

Before we answer that question we must first of all ask another: what exactly is a ‘successful divorce’?

What is a successful divorce?

What makes a divorce ‘successful’? Well, that may be a matter for each individual. Some may simply measure it by how big a financial settlement they achieved, or by how little the divorce cost.

But we would say that there is more to a divorce being successful than just money. Yes, a satisfactory settlement is important, as is keeping the cost to a minimum. But there are at least two other factors: making sure that the whole process is concluded as quickly as possible, so that you can get on with your life, and making sure that it is as stress-free as possible, so that you can recover emotionally as quickly as possible (marriage breakdown is stressful enough anyway).

All of which really points in one direction: agree matters if you can! By doing so you will (by definition) have achieved a satisfactory settlement, and you will have reduced the cost, stress and time taken to reach a conclusion.

But even if you can’t agree matters, then a measure of success is still possible. Yes, you might have to ask the court to sort things out, but you can still take steps to ensure that the court proceedings are concluded as satisfactorily, cheaply, and quickly as possible.

The most important thing

Of course, there is no one thing that will guarantee a successful divorce. But there is something that is perhaps more important than any other, and a clue to what it is was contained in the opening paragraphs of a recent High Court judgment.

In the case FRB DCA Mr Justice Cohen began his judgment with the following:

“I have been hearing over some 15 days cross-applications by the parties for financial remedy orders.  As this judgment will make clear the scope of this case has encompassed almost every issue that can arise within a matrimonial finance case.  In some ways that is hardly surprising.  I know of no other case where the breakdown of a marriage has engendered litigation on the scale witnessed in this case.”

He then said that the total legal costs incurred by the parties in what he called a “gladiatorial combat” between them exceeded £10 million, and went on to explain that the differences between the parties was in part reflected by the animosity that at least the husband felt towards the wife.

Animosity. That is perhaps the most important thing to avoid, in order to achieve a successful divorce. We realise that it is easy for a lawyer to say this, but it really can’t be emphasised enough: you should make every effort to put animosity to one side when you sort out your divorce.

A little animosity is quite natural and common when a marriage breaks down. But it can also be really destructive, as this case demonstrates. Remove the animosity, and you have taken a great step towards achieving a successful divorce: you can then just concentrate on what really needs to be sorted out, you will not be distracted by attempting to ‘score points’ over the other party and, above all, you will be far more likely to achieve an agreed settlement.

If you want to read Mr Justice Cohen’s full judgment, all 227 paragraphs of it, you can find it here.

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Of course, there is one other thing you need to achieve a successful divorce: an expert family lawyer, who will adopt an approach aimed at settling your case amicably, whilst simultaneously looking after your best interests. Family Law Café can put you in touch with such a lawyer – for further information, call us on 020 3904 0506, or click here, and fill in the form.

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Family Law Cafe offers a modern, agile and compassionate approach to family law, giving you a helping hand when you need it and guiding you through the complexities of this difficult and stressful area. Family Law Cafe is your start-point for getting matters sorted with strategy, support and security.

Photo by Austin Schmid on Unsplash