Court allows teenaged children to decide whether to see their father
When a court is considering what orders to make in a dispute between parents over arrangements for their children it must have regard in particular to a number of matters, one of which is the ascertainable wishes and feelings of the child concerned, considered in the light of the child’s age and understanding.
This means that in most cases there will come a point when the child has reached such an age that, if they express a strong view, their wishes will be determinative of the outcome, as it would simply not be reasonable to attempt to impose upon them an arrangement with which they strongly disagree.
This was clearly illustrated in a recent case that took place in the Family Court at Oxford.
The case concerned two children, aged 16 and 15. Their parents finally separated in 2021, but an incident that occurred in 2013 was of considerable significance to the case.
The incident, which was not disputed by either party, concerned serious domestic abuse. The parents had been arguing, and in the course of the argument the father hit the mother in the face, causing her to have visible injuries.
The children, who were obviously very young at the time of the incident, were both present in the house when it happened. It is not clear how much of the incident the children remember but, as the judge noted, research shows that an incident of this type would have been harmful for them.
In addition, the mother accepted that she had subsequently told the children some things about their father’s behaviour, and had inappropriately shown the children photographs of her injuries sustained during the incident.
The children were also aware of other incidents of abusive behaviour by the father.
Following the final separation there were various proceedings issued by the parents regarding arrangements for the children. In the course of the proceedings the children made it clear that they did not wish to spend time with their father.
In the light of this, and in the light of the children’s age and understanding, the judge left it to the children to decide when they live with their father.
However, she did make an order stating that the children should live with each of their parents, to show both the parents and the children that the parents shared parental responsibility for the children, and should both be involved in their lives.
The order, said the judge, would send a “powerful message” to all of them that neither the mother nor the father had priority in making decisions about the children, and that a court had decided that the children would be harmed by simply cutting the father out of their lives, and really did need to be supported by both of their parents to have a relationship with the other parent.
The judge concluded:
“This is a sad case with many of the same issues that Family courts grapple with daily. What is unusual is the serious injury that [the mother] suffered, the strength of views expressed by the children, the fact that both parents’ actions have led to those views … both [the mother and the father] need to change what they do in relation to each other and [the children] if they are to have any hope of [the children] becoming adults who understand healthy relationships … I appreciate that [the mother] actively supporting and encouraging [the children] to want to spend time with [the father] may not be popular with [the children], but a good enough parent doesn’t do things to remain popular with their children, they do what is in the welfare interests of the children.”
You can read the full report of the case here.
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